The Hills?

When will it began?

Fuck when will it end.

When will it began?

Is the question I shout these days.

Feeling way too content, chilling indoors smoking haze.

Haven’t watched TV in awhile...

Like I’m living under a rock.

What a time in my life right now...

No one gets it.

My love told me I want petty for my sorrow...

Now I know how I sound to him.

Oh when-will-it-began!?

When will the happiness began?

Moving forward as I wake up mornings

Temper feels short…

Patience is a virtue.

So let me chill for I hurt you…

When will it began?

Fuck when will it end.

Sick of all the pretend…

Coming in my life to be a fake friend.

Cool under the rock

Give thanks…

The rock be all I got.

Wondering even if I keep going will it stop?
Somebody call the cops

Cause my thoughts are driving fast

Gotta slow down

Bout to run out of gas…

(Hello, anybody there? It's been awhile peeps. Is an interest still sparking? Well, it's my pleasure anyway =)

Peace & Love,

K. Latifah

"I Just Wanna be Successful"

It’s 2:37 in the A.M

On a Sunday night

Well…

Actually Monday morning

I can’t figure out why

I’m not yawning

I was barely home all day

Moving around- trying to act normal

When God knows I’m stressing for somewhere to stay

My landlord came to my apt

This afternoon

I’m trying to spend time with friends

(who are more like family)

And I have to leave the room

Answered the door to be consumed

Of my headache

Money- money- money

Give me a break

Friday afternoon I sent a sample of my project

To dude, who acts as my manager

And I’m just hoping

Wishing

And praying that I’ll hear something back

Get an email asking 'Yo where you at?!'

'I got somebody interested in you- your projects and what you do'

Yup, that would be the day

On that day- whatever trouble I got now will seem so far away

I need some ammunition for my ambition

Money for my toll 

One of these days- it will all unfold

I suppose…

Suicide's Reflection: Excerpt

Introduction

I started writing this book right after my mother passed away, February 11, 2007. After losing her a new meaning for struggle was brought to my attention. Mommy was the rock for my brother, daughter and me. All we knew first was, “Mommy”. She played many different roles in our lives. She was the Dad the Mom and Grandparents too. Growing up, I certainly didn’t make things any easier for her. For a while...I did my share of causing hell. By the time I turned 13, I developed a very rebellious attitude. I sometimes think maybe it was because my mother had to play so many different roles. I did stupid things like run away from home cause I felt I didn’t get “enough” freedom. Get that? Some argue, everything I get is deserving of me and honestly, I wouldn’t disagree. There are certainly things I would have done differently in my past. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would have NEVER taken advantage of my mothers trust. I’ll never forget how hurt she was when she found out I would take more money than she’d send me for, out of the ATM, when she was just sending me for my allowance. Damn, I was troublesome! Like I wasn’t already a spoiled brat.
I thank God I was able to redeem the real love and appreciation I have for her while she was still alive.
Though I never paid her back the way I wanted to.
The dream I had for her was a lot like most dreams for great mothers. I wanted to retire her early, giving her that two-seater Lexus convertible Sports car; she always wanted one of those, parked in the garage of her built-from-the-ground-up home, residing on the beaches of South Florida.
She believed in me and was my one and only true fan. We would dream of all the things we’d do, once my dreams of being able to write full-time came true.
But I use to think my mother believed in me because she had to…I thought it’s what mothers do...not all mothers.
Her not being here to give me the validation I’m used to, troubles my decision making…or so it seems.
She was my security blanket.
After going through so much in life, sometimes it gets down to the last straw. I’m on mines now. So much so, that my negativity is starting to get the best of me.
My story is a pure reflection on what has now become second nature to my thoughts. A wise woman once told me that “time doesn’t heal- it just goes on”. With that I took in stride. It gave me the courage to face the mental anguish of this transition.
And so I’m banking on my story to save my life.
After all the sacrifice, I know I deserve a chance in paradise, in this life. After all my family has gone through, we deserve a chance to tell our story and live a little glory.
Enduring pain like it’s what we were created for. Screaming for help in a crowded room and still ignored.
And with society and its shallow ways, not even a wonder why there’s no path that’s been paved for artists’ like me.
Well stand back and watch me pave my own way.
Whether it’s heard or listened to, I will express what I have to say; though the masses rather the underdogs stay their place.
I may not know if I’m coming or going, but either way I still arrive.
So I’ll keep writing my song, so long as it’s keeping me alive.
I have to stay strong for my family, I have to survive.
The faith in my story gives me the courage to accept who I am; a starving artist.
Since my mother passed, everyday has been a challenge, most days I feel I’m losing balance. I get distracted many times; keep trying to give myself peace of mind.
“Keeping my eye on the prize” is what I’m preaching, steady.
I feel it now, I know I’m ready!
I will keep dreaming- even though my spirit wants me to pull the plug. It’s a challenge but I got to get myself out of this depression flood.
We’ll watch as this dream turns into reality and I will live the day to see, I am all I wanted to be.
Even though she’s gone, she is not forgotten and I will still strive to take care of her, by taking care of my family.
We WILL get the break I’m practically dying to see.
I’m holding on to faith by a strand, my legs have weakened but still I stand.
And when fate proves me right, when I get through this fight, bare witness to all I believe and watch a believer, be conceived.

Copyrights© Reserved

K. Latifah

Sisterhood Awards!

So there's this nomination thing going on for the Sisterhood Award.  I'm suppose to nominate 5 people but the truth of the matter is I only have 3 PNN "sisters" that I visit often...and let me just say, thank you for reaching out to me and providing me with your comments and feedback.  I take a great interest in those who seem to take an interest in me.  And I love reading and getting to know those who are taking the time to read and get to know me.

I can be very quite and reserved and sometimes not to good at leaving my own comments or feedback- don't ever take it personal, I'm ALWAYS reading up on you guys! You've made a hell of an impression just by introducing yourself to me and I'll be forever grateful for your unselfishness (that quality doesn't exist in a lot of people...but you guys already know that).

With that said, I nominate the following people:

"Sisterhood Award"

Seasoned Experience

Mn. Risley

 Leandrea78

I appreciate your continued support and know that you guys definitely have mines in return!!!

xoxo,

K. Latifah

Count Your Blessings

Had a tough day today

But I’m blessed

And I say this with confidence

Because I know I am

So I will not waste time trying to find something to complain about

I’ll just take pride that I have more to smile about

I could be in a different situation

Like in jail

Homeless…

No food…

Or on crack

I’m just glad that I have clothes on my back

Yep, I had a rough day today

But what’s the point in telling you about it anyway?

Besides, I don’t even want your pity

“Pity” is valuable stuff

I’d rather it be used on someone who has worst luck

Cause me, I’m fine

Because I’m blessed

And yea-

I may look stressed

But there’s no denying my happiness

Within…

Cause obviously

Blind eyes won’t see

I may get bitchy at times

But I know which blessings are mine

I had a tough day today

And it would have been very easy for me to take a fall

Without effort

I was able to stand tall

Cause I’m blessed

AND SO ARE YOU

If there’s something that you’re stressing

STOP now and count your BLESSINGS

Stay Strong,

K. Latifah

The Writer's Cry

For a long time I believed that if I try hard, I’d be rewarded with the fruits of my labor.

I believed that if I did good in the world and to the ones I love, I would be blessed with good Karma. 

I was looking through my files the other day and it dawned on me how long I’ve been chasing this dream. 

These days it seems as if I write solely for myself

But for so long I’ve had this dream to write for someone else- those that like to read. 

These days, I’m the only one taking heed.

I don’t even enjoy hearing others ‘good news’ because I feel I’m on the outside of it.

I see everyone else passing me by and all I can do is cry…and write…and cry…and write some more. 

All my writing becomes junk that I don’t have the balls to throw away because of this DREAM that I keep hoping for, even though it feels ignored. 

No one likes to be unhappy; at least I don’t…so I read books for inspiration to instill my motivation.

Sadly, reading doesn’t help like it use to.  So I’m stuck feeling cold, weak and blue. 

I’ve always been a giver…now I feel like I’ve been hexed. 

Like I’m no longer allowed to give

Almost forced not to live

But yet I dream

Dreaming the same dream that’s put me where I am today…nowhere

The little voice that’s fading away keeps telling me everything will be okay

But it sounds cliché

I yearn for more to say

Something other than my expression of depression

Ten years in counting and I’ve gotten but so far

Maybe it’s because I found out I’ve been going in circles

This whole time

I can’t believe I didn’t see the sign.

There is no one to blame but myself

Rev Run tells me that happiness doesn’t come to me, I must reach for it

That success is all in the eyes of the beholder

Well…my arms have stretch marks from all the reaching

And my eyes are blinded from all the preaching

Give me a remedy and I bet’cha I’ll try it

Time feels short

But sell me a secret and I bet’cha I’ll buy it

Except from the devil- even though it feels like he already sold me

Keep praying to God to come and hold me

Mold me

Control me

Keep me grounded

Lost…

Thought I found it…

But the joke was on me

-K. Latifah